Square one isn't all that bad...

Brian called Sonshine on Tuesday morning. He could not take the anticipation any longer. He had to know if he was chosen for the job, or if he was back in square one. Well, square one it is. They were leaning towards someone with "more experience." The beginning is a tough spot to be when you haven't had the chance to gain experience. But our God is good and will provide all in His timing, as we already have seen. We know He wouldn't have blessed us with one miracle without thinking about the other. I am so proud of my husband though. When he found out, he didn't get discouraged. He said we have to rejoice and know that we are in God's will. He also shared with me a verse that he came across as he was reading his bible the next morning...

"In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith--more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire--may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." 1 Peter 1:6-7

God is good and sometimes, it's okay to be in square one, because that is right where He wants us to be...

It's Official!

We are officially pregnant! Not that the 3 at home tests didn't persuade me, but having the doctor confirm was a huge relief! Both Brian and I were so scared we would get there just to have them look at me like a crazy lady and tell me I was not pregnant at all. But thank God, that is so not what happened! I am 5 weeks, 3 days and am due to have our little miracle on March 26, 2011. I feel so blessed and cannot wait for the road ahead!

We are scheduled to go back in 3 weeks (August 18th) for our first ultrasound. We should be able to see the little heartbeat by then and hopefully see the baby if it's big enough :) This new journey is so exciting for both of us and we are absolutely thrilled that God has given us this amazing opportunity!!!

I am feeling a little queasy this morning, but other than that all is well! We should hopefully hear back from Sonshine today, which is where Brian had his 2nd interview last week. We just want him to be in God's will...

Stay tuned for more updates!

Seriously?!

Let's go back to Wednesday for a second...I woke up and still had no signs of my monthly friend coming. I was 6 days late, but still in denial and expected it to come at any time. My original plan was to take a test on Friday morning, but I was getting restless and anxious! So I decided to go buy the tests on my lunch break Wednesday, and would wait until Thursday morning to take one. Well, about 2:30 on Wednesday, I couldn't take it anymore. I went into the bathroom at work, stick in my purse, and did my thang! I placed it on the counter and just began to pray. I just asked God for peace in the event that it was negative, and that I just truly wanted His will and not mine. I waited for what felt like 30 minutes, then decided to slowly glance at the result window of my pregnancy test. To my complete and total shock, one word was on the screen: PREGNANT!!! I think it even had the exclamation marks on it :) I just covered my face, sat on the bathroom floor, and cried happy tears of joy to God for this miracle. I always wondered what my reaction would be when I finally saw that word. Words cannot describe what I felt, and am still feeling. It feels like I am pretending. I think it will all be more real on Monday, at my first doctor's appointment. I just want to hear them say, "You really are pregnant!!!" I thank God every few minutes for this beautiful, sweet, precious miracle that He has blessed Brian and I with.

Wednesday evening we made our rounds to share our good news with family and friends. I must say, we have a GREAT support team and this baby will be loved to the max!

So far, the only signs I am experiencing is frequent bathroom trips and FOOD!!! I have found in the last week or so that it seems like an hour after I eat a full meal, I feel like I haven't eaten in DAYS! That was kind of a small sign to me, but of course I let it slide. Right now, my baby is only about 1 mm big, the size of an orange seed!!! I downloaded an app on my iPhone from the What to Expect books. It provides you with weekly updates and this is what it said for Week 5 (which is about how far I think I am)..."Your baby's heart is made up of 2 tiny channels called heart tubes--and they're already hard at work, beating to their own drummer. When those tubes fuse together, your baby will have a fully functioning heart (though it almost certainly already has its grip on yours)." I definitely started crying as I read that! And yes, our baby already has a grip on both of our hearts and we cannot wait to experience God's blessing and miracle of parenthood...

Another curveball...

Brian graduated from UNF in December of 2009. We were told that his student loan would need to be paid monthly, starting 6 months from graduation. No biggie back then because we had 6 whole months to not pay, so why worry about it back then? Well this month is the 6th month and we still had not heard anything. I asked his mom to call the company yesterday, because we could not get logged into the account that she set up years back. All she could reach was a recording, which told her a payment was due immediately, for...$315.41!!! I literally almost choked when I read the text she sent me with that info. I took a deep breath and knew that God would handle it. So I called the recording and paid the payment from our house savings. Ouch. But I am definitely thankful we at least had the money to pay for it. I am just really struggling right now with TRUST! I was telling a good friend about the whole situation and she really encouraged me with a verse that I had read and reread a million times...at least. But somehow it brought out a new meaning this time...

Philippians 4:6-7
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with Thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

It's so awesome that all God wants us to do is make our requests known to Him. He will take it from there! So right here, right now, I am letting go and letting God. He has a plan and this was no curveball for him...

Glad I bought the 2nd box...

For the last week or so I have had a daily ritual that included peeing on a stick...yes, I was taking ovulation tests to make sure that I am ovulating, and to find out when. I first bought a pack of 7, and wasn't going to buy anymore. After 6 days of negatives, I was beyond discouraged. Day 7 arrived, and still nothing. After talking to my sister and a good friend, I decided to buy another box. Maybe I was not "normal" and ovulate late...or early. So today was day 8...and guess what? I got a positive!!! Oh I was so happy I could have cried. I cannot imagine the joy I will have once I finally see a positive on a pregnancy test. This was a huge step for us though. I have been so worried that I may not be ovulating, and that it could be a reason we haven't conceived yet. Thankfully, God chose to hear my prayer and gave me this huge sign that everything is okay, even though He didn't have to. I love it when He does that for His children!

I am not saying that we will get pregnant this month, and that's okay if we don't. God has plans for us that we cannot begin to wrap our minds around, and for that I will forever be grateful. To know that He has spent His time planning our lives...that's an honor. I will gladly live out the life that He has made for me. I am just so grateful that He has given me this peace and assurance that everything will work out in His timing.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans for good and not for evil. To give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11